Inevitably as people return to work and reconnect, we will tell stories of our lockdown experience. It is part of human nature. Indeed, the concept of storytelling was mentioned by Yuval Harari in his book Sapiens as one of the great distinguishing breakthroughs of humankind. And so this got me thinking about what happens when people tell their stories and the impacts on us. I reached out to a number of leaders across a wide variety of industries and asked their thoughts.

There are those who were super active. They learned Spanish, built a fence, baked sourdough, or did the couch to 5K, six times a day. Then there were those who connected more with their children, families, a desire to paint or undertook more passive activity.

When we hear stories from people at work, in social groups etc, our brains tend to seek a point of similarity and then we make a comparison. We tend to compare whether we feel like we did more or less (better or worse) than others. And the comparison impacts on our sense of ego. I will admit I set a number of goals for myself during lockdown and then when I heard what some others had done, I felt like I had failed. Was this right? No! Was I comparing myself to the biggest achievement of multiple people at the same time and feeling like a failure? Yes.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

— Theodore Roosevelt

In truth, comparing yourself to others is a route to unhappiness. Whether you are a leader or not, here are some tips you can use to prevent comparison from taking over your interactions and thoughts.

Comparison puts focus on the wrong person — focus on you: You can control one life — yours. But when you constantly compare yourself to others, you waste energy focusing on other peoples’ lives rather than your own. Instead, compare your own progress. What was the new thing you achieved or the thing you are most proud of from your lockdown experience? Center your thoughts on sharing what you are proud of and feeling the satisfaction from your growth.

Don’t let what others outwardly share negatively impact your inner thoughts: Just like social media feeds, people present a shiny exterior to the world when they tell their stories. So whilst they may have run 5km every day, or made the best sourdough ever, chances are they also had some tough times just like you. Keep in mind that they may be hearing the things you or others did and also feeling like they could have approached their lockdown differently.

Be honest and authentic with others about what didn’t go to plan: My Lockdown reflection template includes some questions which allow you to capture (and if you want to, share) your experiences during lockdown. As a leader, if you share with others that the reality of your lockdown wasn’t 100% idyllic, it can help them to stop comparing themselves to an unrealistic picture of perfection. Celebrate what went well and acknowledge the things you want to continue to work on.

Let others motivate and inspire you to do something positive: You made choices throughout lockdown and perhaps achieved some or all of the things that were important to you. Now lockdown is over, you may hear things which inspire you and there is no reason why you shouldn’t take action from today to make those changes. If you want to spend more time with your family or improve your fitness, you still can. Using the stories you hear as positive inspiration versus negative comparison can be a really great thing to do.

As a leader, you can set the tone for your team as they return to work. You could investigate if they wish to set up a post lockdown team challenge now you’re back in the office. They might be able to share some of the new things they learned during the lockdown to help others and be a source of positive inspiration to each other. Life continues to move forward however everyone will have grown during that period.

Humans are also really good at sorting or ranking themselves based on arbitrary measures. What matters post-COVID is helping people not slide into self-doubt and help them readjust to Level 2 and beyond by supporting their transition back.

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MENTAL HEALTH NOTE — If you are feeling alone or overly worried about things right now, please reach out to me directly for a chat. I am here to listen and want you to know you have someone to connect with who cares.